Being diagnosed with an illness, particularly one such as chronic kidney disease (CKD) is an unsettling and difficult event. It is likely you will experience a wide array of emotions as you begin to understand and accept the reality of living with a chronic illness. Unlike the medical aspects of CKD, there is no roadmap to follow as you cope with your feelings of anger, fear, sadness, confusion or countless other emotions. Many people just don’t know who to turn to for help when diagnosed with a chronic illness. In some instances, when they do have support, they are not even sure how to ask for help or what kind of help they need or want. We are all wired a little differently when it comes to our emotions. The supportive advice from a friend can be helpful to one person, but unhelpful to another person. Some people just prefer to have a friend who will listen and offer a shoulder to lean on.

Two common emotions many patients report feeling when they first receive the news of being diagnosed with a life-changing event are anger and fear. Both of these emotions are natural and normal reactions to a new medical diagnosis. As you think about the changes you might have to incorporate into your life, you may find yourself angry that you are the one who is ill. The question “why me?” comes to mind. It is also normal to have fears about what the future will look like for you as you adjust to living with CKD. Despite the negative associations we generally have with being angry and afraid, you can use these feelings to help you move forward with your life and your CKD diagnosis.

Anger

Anger is an extremely powerful emotion that when used inappropriately can cause all types of damage both emotionally and physically. However, when you understand the role of your anger and you focus it, your anger can be a tremendous emotion to have on your side. Consider an event such as Rosa Parks’ famous bus ride. She managed to turn her anger about segregation into determination. Thus, she launched a critical aspect of the Civil Rights movement. Imagine if rather than turning her anger toward the larger problem of race and segregation, she would have acted angrily toward the individual telling her to move to the back of the bus. She may have been dismissed as just another upset woman. You have the same opportunity to harness your anger and use it to help you live well with CKD.

Recognizing and using your anger in a productive manner is not a simple task or one you can necessarily learn overnight. There are some tips you can follow to help achieve this task.

1. Be honest with yourself. It is okay to feel angry and being angry is not a negative emotion on its own. If you try to deny you feel angry you are giving yourself a message that your feelings are not acceptable.

2. Make a commitment to talk about your anger with a family member, friend or other supportive person. Many times the simple task of saying something like, “I am really angry and mad about having kidney disease” can alleviate the intensity of the feeling.

3. Maintain a healthy level of physical activity. Exercise can help you sleep at night and help you manage your weight. It is also a tremendous outlet for feelings of anger. Our bodies seem to respond positively to the physical exertion related to exercise. The feeling of exhaustion can also alleviate the pangs of anger.

4. Make a list of positive ways you can use your anger to your advantage. Maybe rather than getting mad at having CKD, you will take that energy and read some educational material about kidney disease. Perhaps, rather than sitting at home and being angry at the world about your illness, you will take that energy and volunteer at a local hospital. Whatever you choose to do with your anger, recognize that unleashing it on those who care about you or turning it inward on yourself is going to do more damage to your situation. It is normal and natural to be angry about being diagnosed with CKD, but try not to let it determine the course of your future.

 Fear

A second common emotion associated with the news of being diagnosed with a chronic illness is fear. When you receive news that you have a chronic illness, that news carries with it, new physical and emotional challenges. Your picture of what your future was going to look like can change dramatically. However, if you face your fears, it can be an emotion you can make your ally in this battle against CKD.

Many of you have experienced fear, whether it was seeking a promotion at work, taking a class in school that was difficult or taking a leadership role you were not comfortable with in the beginning. Yet, you pushed forward despite your feelings of being afraid. You learned you have the capability to se your fear as a motivator.

Some tips about how to use fear in your favor are:

1. Recognize and accept that being afraid is natural. A new diagnosis such as CKD can be fearful and this is normal.

2. Reach out to your support system. Let them know you are ready to do what you need to in order to live a long and productive life with CKD. Also, inform your support system there might be times when you need a helping hand with the challenging times.

3. Learn all you can about your disease. The saying that knowledge is power is very true when dealing with a chronic illness. By gaining more insight into your disease you will likely find certain aspects that frightened you are really things you can handle.

Anger and fear are normal and natural feelings to experience when first being diagnosed with CKD. Problems arise when you let anger and fear overwhelm you to the point of being unable take care of yourself. These emotions can also take a toll on what were otherwise healthy relationships with loved ones. By facing your fear and anger, and with the support of others, you have an opportunity to use these two powerful emotions to help you understand and cope to the best of your ability with CKD.

Mark A. Meier, MSW, LICW, is Director of Development and Quality Initiatives for AAKP. This article originally appeared in the April 2007 edition of Kidney Beginnings: The Magazine