By Mary Heisick, MSW

Someone you love has been diagnosed with kidney disease and is undergoing dialysis treatments. Your initial instinct is to put the needs of your spouse, parent, child, sibling, relative or friend before yours and to provide them with the best possible care. This is a normal reaction experienced by most caregivers. However, it should be emphasized that this is a time when special attention should be paid to you the caregiver. In fact, your own health is the best guarantee that you give your loved one: the guarantee that you will be able to provide them with good care.

This concept is known as self-care. Self-care may seem like a luxury but it is not. One of the principles of self-care demands that you deliberately declare your choice to take care of yourself as well as your caregiving companion. Socialization is one of the components of good self-care and may be the most important element of positive and productive caregiving. Engaging in social activities promotes well-being and helps us cope in times of crisis.

One of the most satisfying times to socialize is during a hearty meal. The warmth of the meal shared with family and/or friends replenishes your energy so you have more to give. If your stamina is not restored, you may find yourself physically and/or mentally exhausted.

Don't forget to take your sense of humor with you on your social outings. Laughter can be a powerful tool to lighten the load of caregiving tasks. Look for silly items in the daily newspaper and point them out to your spouse or loved one. Encourage them to share jokes with the staff at each dialysis run. Develop a lighthearted spirit. It may help you and your loved one get through difficult times.

Many people rely on their religious beliefs as a source of strength when faced with difficult challenges. This may be a good time to renew spiritual connections through prayer, meditation or retreat. Initiate a discussion with your loved one. Talk with a member of the clergy. Pursue spiritual sustenance at your place of worship.

The dialysis unit is a great place to socialize. If your caretaking includes driving your loved one to the dialysis unit three times a week, why not take advantage of an opportunity to meet and learn from the folks who know about good kidney care? Talk to patients who have been on dialysis for a long time. Talk to patients who travel. Speak with an active member of AAKP. Talk with the staff. Ask questions. Include your loved one as you initiate these conversations. Before long, you may discover a social group has developed within the unit and your loved one will look forward to their dialysis treatment days. By making the time spent at the dialysis unit a positive social experience, you have provided the best kind of care to the one you love the most.

Support groups offer another kind of socialization. These gatherings provide an opportunity for patients and their family members to share their concerns and exchange their ideas and experiences. Groups are a venue for kidney patients and caregivers to interact with others that are in similar situations. The rules of confidentiality provide a safe place to vent or complain about problems. Groups serve as a forum for you to share ambiguous feelings and find validation through mutual discussions with other caregivers. After several meetings, you may notice friendships develop and look forward to future meetings. The AAKP Chapter in your area may host a support group or you may ask your social worker for ideas on how one could be started. The suggestions listed should help you and your loved one become socialized within the kidney system as you both adjust to this new challenge. They will also allow you to develop free time for yourself. Remember the goal of self-care: never feel guilty about taking care of yourself. Socialize instead!

Mary Heisick, MSW is a transplant recipient. She is president of the Harbor-South Bay-Orange County Chapter and a member of the AAKP Board of Directors.

This article originally appeared in November 2001 aakpRENALIFE, Vol. 17, No. 3.

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