By Judy Rosebrook, LPN

In May of 1978, my life changed forever. Following surgery, I was given an antibiotic to heal an infection. What followed changed the course of my life.

My kidneys stopped functioning and I was rushed to a medical center in Vermont. This was a medical emergency. With the help of wonderful doctors, renal nurses and my family I survived. For the next four months, I was dialyzed three times a week. One shunt was placed in my wrist and the other in my ankle. I was hospitalized for this entire period. And then one day, my kidneys started to work again. It seemed like a miracle.

It was a long road back. About five months after my discharge, I went back to work as a nurse in our city hospital. I was determined to go back to what I loved the most.

I was a survivor and knew that I had been spared for a reason. I had a four-year-old daughter who needed a mother, a husband who needed a wife, parents who needed their daughter and those who needed the most love, my patients.

I began to look at life in a different way. I couldn't focus on what I had lost. I had to focus on what I had left. I believe that no matter what happens to us, we are still capable of love.

I started singing and playing the guitar for some of my patients. And with the help of a pastor friend of mine, I helped form a support group for patients with a life-threatening illness. At these meetings, the patients connected through song, fellowship and positive affirmations. I noticed that my songs were really providing comfort and inspiration to my patients. People began to tell me that the music brought them peace. I knew this was my mission.

Several patients told me they wished to hear my music more often than just once a week. So I started recording my most popular songs to give to patients when they couldn't attend the group sessions. In 23 years, I've produced seven recordings and given them to people who needed a positive attitude. These songs speak of love, peace, joy, faith, hope and mercy. I've had the privilege to sing and do programs in our area using music as a way to heal. It's not entertainment. My heart tells me it's deeper than that. I measure success by how many hearts I've touched.

I became a clown eight years ago. Her name is Melody and she is another way for me to love and communicate with people. She is lighthearted and loves to sing. I had a wonderful opportunity to come into our renal unit dressed as Melody. I also had my dog with me who was also dressed as a clown. I saw smiles on faces I had never seen smile before. This is a gift to me.

My spiritual and personal growth during this time was overwhelming. It has been said that we learn from our hard times and become wiser and stronger people. My personal experience as a patient has taught me many lessons and opened all kinds of new directions for my life. It has allowed me to become a singer, teacher, something I never thought I would be. Hopefully, I have become a better nurse because I can relate to many of the feelings my patients are experiencing.

When people ask me what has been my best teacher, I tell them my scars. They have taught me even more compassion for people going through their own trials. I have the same scars that they have and I believe we can bond. I believe they know I understand what they are going through and that can be reassuring to them.

This wonderful affirmation was written by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross: "When you have come to the edge of all the light you know and are about to step out into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing that one of two things will happen: There will be something to stand on or you will be taught to fly."

Judy Rosebrook works as a nurse at Glens Falls Hospital Renal Center in Glens Falls, New York.

This article originally appeared in Special Edition 2001 aakpRENALIFE, Vol. 17, No. 2.

Back