By Mark Golightly

My name is Mark Golightly and I am a 48-year-old dialysis patient at Fresenius Medical Care in Carbondale , Illinois . I have been on dialysis for 26 years. Although, I was told that my kidneys were damaged as a child, my dialysis treatments were started on an emergency basis. In May 1977, I went to the doctor complaining of pain in my chest. The diagnosis was excess fluid and low red blood cell count. The surgeons placed a shunt in my leg and a fistula in my arm. I am still using the same fistula. I began dialysis treatments two days later. I was completely unaware of what dialysis was; I had never heard of it. I thought I would dialyze for six months or so and then return to my construction job. This is not what happened. It has been 26 years and I am still dialyzing three days a week.

Physically, my transition to a dialysis patient went very smoothly. However, emotionally I missed my job. After seven months of dialysis, I decided to have a transplant. I was sent to Barnes Hospital in St. Louis to have my lab tests and be placed on the waiting list. To my amazement, two weeks after being listed, they called with a donor kidney (lists were relatively short 25 years ago). On January 2, 1978 , I had my kidney transplant. After having my transplant for five weeks, my kidney rejected and I was rushed to the hospital to have it removed. I became very ill and was placed in intensive care and given a 10 percent chance of survival. After being in intensive care for five weeks, I returned home 45 pounds lighter and extremely weak.

The next year and a half I was in and out of the hospital. During this period, I went through a divorce. It was a very depressing time. I describe this as the “Oh pitiful me” period of my life. After wasting a considerable amount of time feeling sorry for myself, I began to date again. I bought a motorcycle and rode it to my treatments during the summer. I even took two trips across the country on it. I started exercising to regain my strength. At first, I tried walking to the corner, then around the block. Eventually, I would make it jogging around the block. I soon was able to run one and a half miles three days a week. In addition, I worked out with weights and a bench press. I got up to my pre-dialysis weight and was feeling great emotionally and physically.

My present wife, Donna, and I met in 1980, dated for two years and then married. Our wedding took place two hours after one of my treatments so we could have a longer honeymoon. During our first six years of marriage, we took vacations about every six months. We traveled all over the country. I have dialyzed in 19 different units in the United States and one foreign country.

After six years of marriage, Donna started thinking about having children. She was aware of my situation and she suggested other options to obtain our goal, such as artificial insemination or adoption. In 1988, we started fertility treatments that consisted of donor insemination. The next four years were an emotional rollercoaster. We would be hopeful each month we went for treatment. Then at the end of the month, we would receive negative results and become depressed and heartbroken. After 12 treatments, numerous medical tests and driving 380 miles round trip to the doctor, we finally had enough and decided to pursue adoption rather than continue. At the time, we did not realize this would turn out to be the best decision we ever made.

We were not aware that we were stepping off one roller coaster and onto another. We did expect to run into some problems because of my health. Some agencies did discourage us, but we kept trying until we found one that would work with us. In the meantime, we joined an adoption support group that helped us with our search. They helped us to decide on international adoption and which country to pursue. We strongly recommend joining a support group before attempting to adopt.

Because of my dialysis treatments, we tried to find a country to which I would not have to travel. However, soon it became apparent that I would not be able to avoid traveling. After we were approved to adopt, we received notice that there was a child for us in Peru . In May of 1993, my social worker was on the phone to Lima , Peru arranging for dialysis. One week before our departure, we were given a referral for an eight-month-old boy. In June of 1993, after being in Peru for only two hours, we were handed our beautiful son, Hayden.

The next day I dialyzed in Lima . The doctor spoke English fairly well. He was there only 30 minutes of my four-hour treatment, the remaining three and a half hours I was on my own with a non-speaking English staff. The equipment was the same that I had used when I started dialysis in 1977. The nurses were great, even though we could not speak to one another. They took very good care of me.

I dialyzed there for two and a half weeks, finished the necessary paperwork and returned home. My wife had to stay in Peru with the baby for another six weeks in order to establish temporary residency. Hayden finally came home on July 31, 1993 and we were a complete family, or so we thought!

In 1998, we decided to adopt again. We got in touch with our social worker and started the process over. After looking at all possible countries we could adopt from, we chose Guatemala because I would not have to dialyze there. The adoption would be finalized before we were to travel. It would simply be a matter of one day flying, one day to obtain the baby’s VISA and then a return flight home. We were assured this was how a Guatemalan adoption would work. We were given a referral of a 22-month-old boy with big beautiful brown eyes. It would take months for his adoption process to be completed. All we could do was look at the pictures that the agency provided and wait.  

In September of 1999, after a year and a half and mountains of paperwork, we were on a plane to Guatemala City.The foster mother met us at the airport with our new son. The next day we were at the American Embassy to obtain a VISA. In a matter of 40 hours on the ground, we were back in the air headed home with our littlest son, Harrison. Hayden was waiting anxiously at home to meet his new brother.  

It has been four years now and Harrison is starting kindergarten. Hayden will be in the fifth grade. Both have adjusted well and yes, they fight just like any other brothers. I have been blessed with a wonderful family and life.  

Mr. Golightly, a member of AAKP, resides in Anna, Illinois with his wife Donna and sons, Hayden and Harrison.

This article originally appeared in the November 2003 issue of aakpRENALIFE Vol. 19, No. 3.

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